If there was a word that would describe the situation, it would be this one: SNAFU. A term that had been used to describe the men and women who were neurotic enough to know the word and has used it to exclaim certain vagaries of their lives. For Charlie, this was his Snafu. This was the perfect example of how Snafu was a working deity here in this bar. It was so perfect, he would bet anything that no else had had to endure a thigh walnut cracking, pastel greened, gender confused, controlling woman as he had. More so, the cherry on top of this was that he agreed to this date based solely on the fact he blew her off once before!*
"Ya see, Chuck! See that mole right there? I got that baby when I was 13 and was going to a private school my pops put me through. It came around the time before Christmas break and just after the Halloween dance,"
Charlie kept losing track of the conversation. He was pretty sure that nodding every once in a while was a legit equal part of his side of the conversation at this point. Albeit for the occasional gasp and accommodating chuckle, Charlie looked about to see where their waitress was. It was obvious after she came with the nachos that she was different. Her skin was pale, mouth stricken and her eyes, those bubbly eyes, were vapid and glossed with anger.
"My gosh, Chuck. You are the sweetest man, you know that? I'm not just being rhetorical or anything but I really mean it! I'm not good with words, but by damn it all, Chuck. I like you."
"I like you too," the waitress, making her smooth entrance, placed the bill gracefully beside Toad Lady's side of the table. She smiled innocently at Toad Lady, "Your charm is so insatiable and just looking at your manly arms just give me the vapours."
"I'm not a man."
"Could've fooled me."
The waitress stood there with a smug smile and wickedly eyed Charlie. The toad had croaked and bugged her eyes out and breathing heavily through her nose. Charlie drank the rest of his Cosmo.... all one full cup of it. He placed it on the table, and looked at the waitress with pleading eyes to avert the fight. It was, if nothing else, a vague success as she asked Charlie if he wanted seconds and left for his second drink. Toad Lady on the other hand, had started to sweat profusely. her light blue blouse was getting dark spots under her arms.
"Stupid bitch. I should smack her a good one! Oooh, if she ever said where no one could hear her scream..."
The room was spinning round and round. It could possibly be the Cosmo, or even the tension at the table, or even both. Charlie counted the many ways he could leave, the may excuses he could make and the many gay men he could text to pick him up from this exploded situation. Women were crazy at best and were crazy at their worst. Contrary to popular belief, the penis does not solve a woman's problems.
"In the boot camp I was shent ta Brown Bear Lake.."
Slurring? Guess Charlie wasn't the only one for a lack of sensibility. Now that he noticed it, she was actually sweating a lot and has not one, but two sweat spots on either side of the front of her blouse. Her hair had come down in soggy drapes to accentuate her very round face, and her lips barely opened to talk. What a flashback as to how they first met! She must have been drunk when they met.
The waitress, who seems to slip in and out of this small, horrible world at the table was looking curiously at the Toad Lady,"Hey mister. I know it isn't not my business, but is she okay? I know I insulted her but - "
"It's alright. I think we are done for tonight. She's had one too many drinks tonight. I've seen this before. She will be okay once someone gets her home."
The waitress was unsure and pressed further, "How are you getting home?"
"Well by myself, by the looks of things."
"You sure mister? I get off in an hour."
"It's alright, I have a busy day tomorrow."
She shrugged,"All right, have a good night mister." Walking away, Charlie thought he heard her say the words poor thing and what a pity; but then, he was barely able to stand up and not stagger his way out of the Rupe with the Toad Lady. He looked back once more and saw the waitress in the between two tables - smiling and sparkling those beautiful eyes at strangers.
"Good night to you too, little lady."
With that, Charlie called a taxi for the Toad Lady and had grabbed his only designer coat. As he ushered into the taxi, he kept a peeking eye for the waitress. Hoping to see her one more time. It was an early evening, for Poor Charlie, it was a late night out. He had to get up tomorrow morning, take a jog, then to the gym and then off to work. For Poor Charlie, his regiment kept him happy, if nothing else.
*The Rupe Origin Story
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